How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
