I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
