Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
