Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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