I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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