hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
