Got a toothbrush?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
