i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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