I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
