dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
