i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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