even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
