Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
