Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
