I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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