so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
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How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
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There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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