Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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