i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
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Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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