and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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