well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
