dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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