Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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