The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just gargled with NyQuil
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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