even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
