Will you blow on my dice?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
