You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
