My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
