So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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