planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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