i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize