sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
