Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
