call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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