Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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