I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
