We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
