I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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