I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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