Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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