i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
