What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
