I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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