So drunk, too bad you don't want this
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
