office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
