There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm sobbing to NWA
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
