i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
