and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
