Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
