Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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