six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
