$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
