Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
