I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
