My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
