He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
