New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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