you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
