i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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