This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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