I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
