And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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