So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize