I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
