rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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