You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think my fart just growled at me.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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