How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
