Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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