got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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