high people should be assigned attendants
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
